6. The Lovers
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Welcome to Soulchology’s worksheets, your starter-kit into an intuitive self-enquiry using tarot and astrology. I write these in my usual dry humour, which reflects the tone of my sessions too, because learning is intense enough without stripping it of humanity. A little wit makes the wisdom easier to digest!
Anyway, while full sessions include numerology, Lenormand, and therapeutic layers, these worksheets are your solo starter kit designed to get you going without frying your nervous system.
Grab your deck, take a breath and don’t overthink it. No altar required. You can read these on your lap, mid-commute, or in bed with questionable lighting. If you know current transits, great, add them in. If not, the cards still work because they’re generous like that.
And, if you shuffle really fast, they love to fling out like you’re live in an episode of Ghosts and Trevor is standing next to you.
Each sheet prompts you to connect the cards with your real life, that is, not your aspirational, one-day-when-I-journal-daily life. Pay attention to the artwork, colours, symbols, and emotional tone because tarot is layered, not linear. Study only what leaps out, don’t go looking for clues.
This isn’t about mystical perfection, it’s about noticing yourself. Your thoughts, your choices, your patterns. If you’re new to tarot and feeling twitchy about it, you might want to read my piece on Substack that gently dismantles the pressure.
My advice is to pull (or fling) your card at the end of the day, not first thing. That way, you’re reflecting and not pre-loading your brain with vague forecasts. It’s a faster way to build intuitive confidence and a more honest way to learn what the cards actually mean to you.
i. The Nutshell
Upright
The Lovers operates with intention, choices with depth, and the knowing that indigenous connection starts by choosing yourself. This archetype represents the harmony between heart and mind, the value in the luke-warm, and the truth that real love is a verb, not a feeling. Here, intellectual curiosity meets emotional wisdom. Love is a continuous question of choice, whether it's a person, a passion, or a purpose, it wants you to choose with intention.
Keywords: Choice, love, connection, harmony, commitment, union, relationships, alignment
Translation: You don’t need a soulmate to feel whole - you need to choose the kind of love that matches your meaning.
Reversed
When The Lovers is reversed, it’s less “twin flame” and more “awkward first date.” Maybe you’re stuck in a relationship that isn’t quite right, but you’re too scared to leave, or maybe you're constantly questioning your decisions, waiting for “the one” to make it all clear for you. Either way, this reversal points to indecision, misalignment, or the fear of choosing anything at all because it all feels too complicated.
The Lovers in reverse may point to commitment-phobia, toxic relationships dressed in “meant to be” language, or repeatedly choosing the wrong person because they’re easier than the truth. The Lovers wants you to stop waiting for perfection and start choosing what's right for you because love is not gaslighting, breadcrumbing, benching or any of the other guessing game manipulation tactic deployed to buy an avoider more time to play the field, or become emotionally mature whilst keeping you as a safety net. Leave the ‘hit it then quit it’ types to invest in yourself so you attract someone worthy of you. Pay even greater attention if you receive The Devil card with the Lovers.
Keywords: Indecision, misalignment, avoidance, unbalanced relationships, fear of commitment.
Translation: Love isn’t a fairytale; it’s a decision you make, not a destiny you wait for. Make a choice.
ii. Illus-traits
A quick glance at The Lover’s symbolic traits in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck - what's hidden in plain sight?
The Angel (Raphael) – Guidance from above, but not interference. You choose.
The Tree of Knowledge (Eve) – Conscious awareness, and the price of it.
The Tree of Flames (Adam) – Action, desire, and the consequences that follow.
The Mountain – Tension or distance between two. Closeness requires climbing.
Their Nudity – Nothing hidden. Union begins where pretense ends.
iii. Influences
Planetary: Venus rules The Lovers since she’s the ultimate authority on love. But rather than lounging in a heart-shaped pool, Venus here is a matchmaker, guiding us to connect deeply, not just romantically, but in every aspect of our lives. She’s the one who knows that love is more than a feeling; it’s a choice, a force that can bind and heal, so long as it’s chosen with intention. Under her influence, we’re reminded that connection, true connection, requires balance, mutual understanding, and a willingness to be vulnerable, imperfections and all. Venus is the main act, but let’s not forget Mercury and Mars in the background, pulling in communication and passion to fuel decisions that change the way we relate.
Natal House(s): The Lovers resonates strongly with the Seventh House of relationships, partnerships, and all matters of the heart. This house asks you: Who do you commit to and why? Is it love or is it comfort? It’s about conscious choices; partnering with people, ideas and values that reflect who you are and who you’re becoming. The Third House adds a layer of communication, asking whether you’re expressing yourself clearly, or letting someone else do the talking for you. The Twelfth House, which speaks to unconscious connections, symbolise those deep ties you’ve inherited from family, culture and past lives because sometimes the true choice of who to love is rooted in what’s been handed down without you even realising it. Although your soul will recognise a counterpart and frankly, there’s nothing you can do to change that. That’s for another post though as this wades into the topic of Twin Souls and this type of connection brings a whole smorgasbord of lessons and experiences that are separate from our “normal” relationships. If synastry or composite charts point to the Eighth house as well, regard this as extra confirmation.
Astrological Sign(s): Gemini, ruled by Mercury, is the sign that rules The Lovers. It’s all about duality, choice, and communication. Mercury points to finding balance between two opposing forces, like logic and emotion, head and heart. Gemini’s energy is curious and adaptable, but also restless, constantly weighing options and seeking new connections. If you’re going to make a choice, this is the energy that says, "But is there a better choice?" Libra also chimes in with her love of balance, harmony and fairness in relationships. Together, these signs help us ask, “Is this the partnership I’ve been waiting for, or is it just the one that’s easiest?” Think of Venus’ subtle guidance but also the undeniable pull of Mercury’s need for mental stimulation in all things love and connection.
Numerologically: Six is the number of The Lovers, symbolising harmony, balance and relationships. It’s a number rooted in the kind of choice that demands you weigh what you value against what you’re willing to give. Six says: Love is a decision. It’s reciprocation at its finest. It’s about finding beauty in connection and creating peace through mutual respect and understanding. This number thrives in the give-and-take of relationships, whether personal or professional, and asks: are you choosing this partnership because it brings out the best in you? Five, as always, is lurking in the background too, with its disruptive energy that presents the tension between what you’re comfortable with and what you’re willing to risk for a deeper connection.
Element: Air represents thoughts, clarity, and difference. The Lovers show how Air’s lightness and complexity can lead to diverging paths with one choice. Air is about understanding and awareness. What insights might emerge if you took a moment to listen?
iv. A Day in the Life of The Lovers
Well That Escalated Quickly
You text three different people “thinking of you” and forget which one you actually meant it for, or you ask your tarot deck if it's love or lust… twelve times in a row… and still don’t listen to the answer.
Adjusting the Knobs
You spend all morning choosing between two paint colours for your bedroom and have an existential crisis about what it says about your soul, or you match with someone who “feels karmic” and decide to unpack that in therapy in the group chat.
Unsubscribed from Self-Sabotage
You make eye contact with a stranger while buying avocados and suddenly believe in fate, or you cry at a commercial because it reminded you of the interconnectedness of all things.
Writing the TED Talk
You choose connection with intention, alignment over aesthetics, and realise you’re not here to find your other half. You know you’re whole in yourself and have the self worth to choose freely.
v. Working with these Energies
Choosing with Clarity and Loving with Intention
The Lovers is about relationships in the broadest sense: with people, with purpose and with yourself. When this archetype shows up, especially reversed, it’s a signal to examine where your choices are coming from. Are you moving from desire or default? This is the moment to pause before the yes, weigh the impact of a no, and ask whether your connections are conscious or convenient.
1. Get honest about your choices
– What are you currently choosing by default rather than design?
– Are your decisions aligned with your actual values or your fears?
– What relationship or situation are you idealising instead of interrogating?
2. Define love beyond romance
– What does love mean to you outside of partnerships?
– Where in your life does real connection want to happen, but you keep it superficial?
– Are you seeking a mirror, a muse, or a meaningful exchange?
3. Discern desire from distraction
– What are you drawn to right now, and is it real resonance or escape?
– Who or what do you reach for when you don’t want to be alone with yourself?
– Is your attraction rooted in truth, or habit dressed as fate?
4. Let Gemini and Venus balance the scales
– Are you speaking clearly, or assuming you’re being understood?
– Where do you need to balance passion with perspective?
– What relationships need less drama and more dialogue?
5. Choose connection with consequence
– What are you ready to commit to fully, even if it’s not perfect?
– Where are you avoiding intimacy by keeping things ambiguous?
– What would it mean to love like it matters… even if it’s messy?
vi. Building Skills
Living by Example
The Lovers card suggests that you could make sure your actions match your values, especially in everyday life. It’s about being consistent, making choices, and taking responsibility.
Consider this: Take a moment to consider how you want to be remembered by the people closest to you today. What qualities do you want them to associate with you? What matters most in how you show up? (Repeat tomorrow and every day thereafter).
Then, choose one small, meaningful action that reflects that intention be that an encouraging word, a lovingly held personal boundary, a genuinely meant apology or the offer of telling someone the truth.
The Lovers card reminds you: living in alignment isn’t abstract. It’s what you do, moment by moment, when no one’s keeping score - but the impact is widely felt.
vii. Embodiment
Tarot is a mirror, a pulse, a visceral pull. Embodiment is how a card stops being symbolic and starts becoming cellular. Lovers ask not just what you think about choice, connection, or truth, but how you feel them. Before memorising meanings, meet the card in your body. Sensation is a deeper kind of knowing. When you track how The Lovers show up in your senses, your surroundings, your split-second decisions, it becomes less a card and more a lived experience. Try these to embody The Lovers today:
Smell: If The Lovers had a scent, what would it be? Wild jasmine at dusk? A lover’s skin after rain? The open air just before a decision that changes everything?
Body: Where do you feel the tension or pull between choices, values, or relationships? Your chest? Your heart? Your diaphragm? The space between your shoulder blades? Your third eye in your forehead?
Soundtrack: What song captures that feeling of alignment or the ache of being split in two? What melody feels like truth rising to the surface?
Action: What could you do today that honours connection with both yourself and others, and what would it look like to you to choose from a place of wholeness?
Nature cue: Step outside. What in the natural world mirrors the essence of The Lovers? A pair of birds in flight? A fork in the path? The space where sunlight and shadow meet?
Notice what stirs: The goal is coherence and resonance. Let The Lovers remind you that clarity begins with a feeling.
viii. Your Impressions
Look at The Lovers card in your own deck if possible. Take a moment to notice without overthinking.
What detail pulls your focus first; gesture, gaze, space between the figures?
How does this card feel in your body or mood: open, electric, tender, conflicted?
If this card could whisper a question, what would it ask you to choose?
ix. Intuitive Meaning
Use this space to explore what The Lovers means to you as an ongoing relationship. Let it reflect the places where you’re being invited into alignment, where choice becomes a mirror for self-awareness:
When have you made a decision that felt deeply right and internally resonant?
Where in your life are you divided; performing one thing while desiring another?
What would it look like to make a choice that reflects your whole self, not the version others expect?
Applied insight with a three-card reading using The Lovers as your anchor:
What inner or outer choice is calling for my attention right now?
Where am I being asked to integrate conflicting parts of myself?
What clarity or commitment will support deeper alignment?
Pull or fling cards. Note your feelings. Notice emotional texture and tension, take your time and let them be real.
Write your own Keywords
Write three you words that echo your lived experience of The Lovers:
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x. Closing Reflection: Track Your Evolving Lens
Your relationship with each card will grow over time because it’s meant to shaped by your life. Consider the prompts below to revisit and reflect.
What I thought this card meant when I first pulled it: —————————————————
A recent experience that changed how I see it: —————————————————
How I feel about it now, in my body or life: —————————————————
What surprised me as this card kept showing up: —————————————————
One way this card is living in my life right now: —————————————————
If this card visited me today as a guide, what would it want me to remember? —————————————————
Revisit these after a week, a moon phase, or a meaningful moment. Let the card evolve as you do.
If you feel a quiet sense of recognition, curiosity and want to explore it, browse the sessions page for what feels right.